What I've learnt from Commercial Television

Bit of background here, as a child I was not permitted to watch Commercial Television so as a consequence I missed out on relating to my peers {thanks Mum} I spent most of my time reading which in itself is a concept foreign to many who would rather “wait until the video comes out” I had a distinctively 1930’s reading library Zane Grey,W E Johns, C S Forester, Enid Blyton etc but I have been watching commercial television for some years now and have seen the shows that I knew nothing of Gilligans Island, MASH, Hogan’s Heroes and McHales Navy, {we didn’t need to see that as my father had watched it the first time around} most Commercial Television appears to be sourced from the United States, locally made productions appears to mimic them.

What I have learnt

1. If you want to pass yourself off as a German Officer you just need an accent
   
2. All cops must visit a strip club at least once
   
3. Don’t show any one a picture of your Girlfriend if you want to survive the war
   
4. Foreigners or Aliens communicate in English to each other
   
5. In a martial arts fight your enemies will dance around patiently until you have knocked them off one by one
   
6. Stripping to the waist makes you invulnerable to bullets
   
7. One person shooting at twenty has a better chance of killing them than twenty people shooting at one
   
8. If you need to reload your gun you will always have enough ammunition – even if you weren’t carrying any
   
9. If you run out of bullets throw your gun away - you can get a new one anywhere
   
10. Cars in a chase will always crash into parked cars, fire hydrants, mailboxes and telegraph poles - but keep on going.
    
11. Cars that crash will burst into flames
    
12. All hookers have a heart of gold
    
13. All Englishmen wear bow ties – and talk with an accent
    
14. People will never suffer concussion or brain damage after a blow to the head – however the slightest blow may cause amnesia
    
15. Highly trained groups of people {SWAT, Army etc} will always separate so they can be picked off one by one.
    
16. You can always find the weapon you need – when you need it
    
17. People in soap operas don’t go to work
    
18. No one ever suffers from shock due to events that happen to them
    
19. The consequences of your action are immaterial – it all happens after the credits
    
20. Dogs always know who’s bad and will bark at them.

That's All Folks